


Deadeye

by SleepingAshes



Series: Overwatch Soulmate AU [4]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Blackwatch Era, Blackwatch Jesse McCree, Gen, Panic Attacks, Pre-Fall of Overwatch, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 11:53:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11417394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepingAshes/pseuds/SleepingAshes
Summary: Deadeye. Jesse hadn’t heard the name in years. Not since his days in Deadlock when his superiors had started referring to him by that dreaded nickname. No one knew him by that name outside of Deadlock. No one.





	Deadeye

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the soulmate au but nothing shippy happens in this fic. It's really just Jack and Jesse on a mission together and things go wrong. This does handle some sensitive topics like panic attacks and unhealthy coping so if this might bother you, this is a warning.

Gabriel liked to think he wasn’t making a huge mistake by assigning Jesse to the mission with Jack. It didn’t take a genius to tell the two didn’t exactly get along, but Jack needed skill for this mission and Jesse was one of the most skilled Blackwatch had to offer. He tried to pretend he didn’t see Jack’s disappointed expression when he made the offer.

“I asked you personally to come on this mission because it needs to be done right.” Jack had said.

“I wouldn’t put you with Jesse if I didn’t know he could handle it.” Gabriel said, “Besides, I’ll be gone for a few weeks on a mission with Gerard.”

Jack frowned, but didn’t say anything else. He knew if Gabriel really couldn’t come then the mission with Gerard was extremely important. He’d have to trust Gabriel’s judgement and put up with Jesse. Though...trusting Jesse to get the job done didn’t mean he had to  _ like _ being with him for the duration of this mission.

Gabriel left that evening with Gerard and the next day Jack and Jesse left. The way there was tense. Jesse was trying to keep up friendly conversation but after a while it just got annoying to Jack. He wanted to tell Jesse to shut up a few times but resisted the urge. Snapping at him wouldn’t help in making this any better.

“You understand the importance of this mission right?” Jack asked after a while of Jesse’s chatter. If he wasn’t going to be quiet they might as well talk about something productive…

“Sure do. Boss told me all about it.”

“I’ve never worked with you before, so you understand if I’m worried you won’t be able to handle it.” It sounded nicer in his head, he realized, but it was already out. Nothing he could do about it now.

Jesse didn’t seem phased.

“I may be younger and new to workin’ with you but I like to think I got this. If Gabe thinks I got it, I must be doin’ somethin’ right.”

“I didn’t realize you and Gabriel were close enough for you to call him Gabe.” Jack said before he could stop himself.

The comment earned him a curious look from Jesse.

“Yeah I don’t call him ‘boss’ when we’re in private, really.” Jesse let out a small laugh, “I like to think we’re kinda friends or somethin.”

Jack hummed in response, trying not to let his bitterness show through. He didn’t know exactly why the comment bothered him so much, but it did. Maybe it was that, even after a few years of Jesse being a part of Blackwatch, Jack still didn’t fully trust him. He didn’t believe that Jesse was a changed person, not really. He’d never say that to Gabriel but it didn’t mean he didn’t have his own opinions.

He sure as hell wouldn’t admit to Jesse’s face that he thought at the drop of a dime, Jesse would turn on him. Given the right situation Jack always expected him to cut and run. It was amazing to him that Jesse hadn’t done so already but Gabriel was the type to keep a close eye on things. He probably just hadn’t had the chance yet.

“It’s...nice to be able to feel that camaraderie with the people you work with.” Jack finally said but there was no real kindness behind his response.

“Hey, somethin’ we agree on.” Jesse hadn’t seemed to detect any change in Jack’s demeanor. Not like there was much to see. Jack seemed like a grump all the time and if he got a little grumpier, it wasn’t a big shock to Jesse.

When the pair finally reached the area they needed to be in it seemed Jesse had run out of smalltalk. Jack was secretly glad he didn’t have to humor Jesse anymore. They stopped at a hotel for the rest of the day and planned to set out just before the sun set. Jack ran over the specifics one more time for Jesse.

Jesse sat silently as Jack ran through what needed to be done. They needed to infiltrate a base of a small gang that reportedly had extremely sensitive information on a terrorist organization's weapons. Weapons that may or may not be able to wipe out a small country if whoever was in charge desired it. They needed to get that information no matter the cost. Jack said there might be casualties depending on how well guarded the base was, but Jesse expected as much.

He ran with Deadlock as a teenager and worked for Blackwatch the past four years. He’d seen enough death that he was desensitized to it, really. Being asked to kill wasn’t a new thing. He figured Jack knew as much so he kept his mouth shut and nodded.

“I’ll take them from the basement entrance, you keep watch from the front entrance. If they realize I’m in, take them out. Got it?”

“Gotcha.”

Just a few hours later they were in position. It wasn’t heavily guarded at all. Only two guys were out front and they didn’t even look to be actively guarding the place. They were just talking. It led Jesse to believe there weren’t even that many people inside. He wouldn’t be shocked if Jack came back with the information and no one noticed it at all…

Jesse was honestly getting bored when the two seemed to perk up and get their guns ready.  _ Looks like they finally noticed… _ Jesse sighed and got out his own weapon. He shot the two guards from where he was then dropped down from his hiding spot to go inside and help Jack. 

“Nice shootin’, Deadeye.” A voice said from behind him.

_ Deadeye. _ Jesse hadn’t heard the name in years. Not since his days in Deadlock when his superiors had started referring to him by that dreaded nickname. No one knew him by that name outside of Deadlock. No one.

He turned to find someone he honestly thought was dead. A man by the name of Andre, someone who used to be in Deadlock but left shortly before the gang got busted by Blackwatch. Jesse assumed he was killed by his extremely pissed off superiors before he got too far but...this proved him wrong.

“I always wondered how you could aim so well from so far away.” Andre said, holding a gun up to Jesse’s face.

Jesse eyed the gun but didn’t show any signs of fear that he’d get shot. Not that Andre wouldn’t do it. He knew he would. But he knew better than to show fear to this man.

“I’ve been watchin’ you since you got here. Your little friend had some fun inside but I bet he’s regretting it now.” Andre went on, “I just had to see you in action though. Would ya believe it if I said I missed you?”

“Fuck off.” Jesse growled.

“Someone grew some balls since Deadlock.” Andre seemed amused. “You never woulda spoken to me like that before.”

Jesse glared at the man.

“Don’t look at me like that, kid! Well, you aint really a kid nomore are ya? Whaddya do now? Work for the government or some shit?”

“I’m not answerin’ your questions so fuck off.”

“This is my gang now, you answer me when I ask you somethin’ you little shit,” Andre hit Jesse with his gun, making the man stumble backwards. “Just cuz we aint rollin with the same people don’t mean anything changed. I’m always gonna be better than you and I’m always gonna be tougher.”

Jesse tried to ignore the tightness growing in his chest. He knew he could take out Andre so why wasn’t his body moving right? Why was he standing there like some scared kid? He wasn’t scared of Andre, not anymore. Jesse had training now, he could take out Andre if it came down to a fight. He just had to  _ move _ .

The sound of Andre’s gun cocking snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Get on your knees, boy.”

Jesse’s throat felt dry. He felt himself obey the order. He felt himself forgetting this wasn’t Deadlock. He wasn’t there. Andre didn’t have that power over him anymore, or so he thought.

“Good boy.” Andre said, laughing, “Just like old times, huh? Don’t matter where you go, you’re always gonna be Deadlock’s bitch, right Jesse?”

“ _ No _ .” Jesse forced out.

“You sure? Y’know I always had a idea that people never change. There aint no point in trying to deny what you are. I’m a killer, always will be. Proud of it too. You aint no different than me.”

“I’m not like you.”

“Ya killed two of my men just a minute ago but you aint a killer?”

“That’s not what--”

“What you think you’re all high and mighty now cuz you got official ass friends? You think I don’t know who that guy with you was? He’s the face of mother fuckin’ Overwatch. But you aint like them. You aint good like Overwatch. You killed for nothin before, you really think you come back from that?”

Jesse opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out. He could feel it was getting harder to keep calm. Anything he’d say, Andre would twist into something ugly. Just like he used to in Deadlock. No matter what Jesse’s answer would be, it was the wrong answer and he’d get punished for it. Beaten bloody, starved, sometimes he did worse. Sometimes everyone in Deadlock would get creative or sicker and come up with worse ways to punish and pick on their subordinates.

It’s what made Jesse make sure he killed enough and didn’t feel anything about it later. If Andre or one of the others said “kill” he did it, no questions asked. He knew most of the people deserved it anyways, but that’s what he told himself to help him sleep at night.

Jesse feared more than anything that Andre was right. He wasn’t changed at all. He still killed, still told himself the people deserved it. It was just Gabriel pointing the finger and telling him what to do now. Nothing really changed at all.

When he looked back to Andre, he realized he’d completely zoned out for a minute. Andre was looking at him expectantly, like he’d asked him something. Jesse only realized then that Jack was screaming in his ear through the comms. He sounded pissed. Andre probably heard Jack’s voice and Jesse wondered if that’s what he’d asked about.

“He’s gonna die if you don’t kill me.” Andre said. “You gonna do somethin about that?”

Jesse wanted to, if only his body would cooperate. He couldn’t find it in him to talk, it was too hard right then to form words. It was getting too hard to breathe, really. Why was it so hard to breathe? Andre was choking him. He was choking him and Jesse wasn’t doing a damn thing about it.

“Always knew you were a pussy when it came down to it.” Andre taunted. “Too bad your friend brought a fuck up like you with him.”

Jesse let out a bitter laugh. Andre was right. He was nothing but a fuck up and a killer. A part of him agreed that no matter how hard he tried, he’d never really change. He’d always be desensitized to the violence and death around him. He’d always be contributing to it, too, so it wasn’t like he could complain when it got too much.

Jack’s angry voice was speaking in his ear again, something about getting the information.

“If you’re still alive, I could use some help!” Jack didn’t sound desperate for help, more agitated that he wasn’t getting any. “Gabriel said you could handle this!”

Just as Jesse’s vision started to get blurry, his mind finally snapped out of the thoughts he’d been having. He quickly shoved Andre off of him and stood up again, coughing but finding it wasn’t too hard to breathe thankfully.

“What you wanna do this the hard way?” Andre asked, readying his gun.

Jesse didn’t give him an answer. He charged at Andre before he could react and tackled him to the ground. He landed a solid punch with his prosthetic arm, hitting much harder than he could have with his real one. Andre spat blood and tried to recover from the hit but Jesse wouldn’t let him. He snatched Andre’s gun and held it against the man’s head.

“Easy way or hard way, this ends with you dead.” Jesse said. “You don’t get to do shit to me anymore.”

Andre tried to say something but Jesse shoved the gun in his mouth instead.

“You were right. This  _ is _ just like old times.” Jesse muttered, looking at Andre with a cold look in his eyes. “You’re pathetic.”

Jesse didn’t give him any time to react before pulling the trigger. Andre’s blood stained the ground around him and it made Jesse feel good in a sick, twisted way. He stood slowly, but never stopped looking at the body. He held the gun out and shot Andre’s unmoving body once more, then twice. Then he kept shooting until there were no more bullets left in the gun.

He wanted to kill his past along with Andre but with so many things brought up to the surface he knew that couldn’t happen. The pain in Jesse’s mind was fresh and even though he knew now wasn’t the time to think about every little thing he’d suffered through in Deadlock, he did. He thought of everything Andre put him through and then how he in turn made others suffer.

His body moved on its own after that. He picked up his own gun and finally made his way inside the building. There was obviously a fight going on somewhere not too far in, so he followed the noise. Jack was going up against four or five other men. It didn’t matter. Jesse shot two of them quickly, giving Jack an opportunity to knock another out and get his gun back, which had been discarded a few feet away. The others were dead in seconds.

“Jesus, you couldn’t have showed up sooner?” Jack snapped. “I didn’t think you’d sit there and make me do all of this by myself!”

Jack went to grab Jesse by the shirt and yell at him, demand to know where the hell he’d been, but the second he touched him Jesse had his gun pressed to Jack’s gut.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” Jesse said in a low voice.

Jack backed away immediately, hands in the air to show he meant no real harm. He would have said something if the look in Jesse’s eyes hadn’t been so...distant. Something told him to tread carefully, and not just because Jesse was still holding onto his gun.

Jesse looked at the dead bodies for a moment, not moving or saying anything for what felt like hours. After about a minute he looked at Jack.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, catching Jack off guard.

“What happened, McCree?” Jack asked, frowning. “What put you on edge?”

Jesse let out a small bitter laugh that quickly escalated to sobbing. He tossed his gun aside and backed himself up against a wall, sliding down it and curling in on himself. His hands grabbed at his hair roughly, the pain being the only thing keeping him even remotely in the moment.

“Fuck,” Jesse cried, “Fuck, fuck, fuck! Why the fuck am I like this!”

“McCree!” Jack quickly made his way to Jesse’s side, “McCree, what happened? Talk to

me, ok?”

Jesse shook his head and gripped his hair tighter. If he told Jack, then Jack would tell Gabriel and Gabriel would realize he was a lost cause. He was scum and he didn’t deserve any second chances. If Andre’s mangled corpse was anything to go by, Jesse was just a disaster waiting to happen.

“Jesse,” Jack said, obviously worried at this point, “Calm down and talk to me.”

“I’m sorry--” Jesse managed, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry… Jack I can’t…”

Jack frowned, cautiously putting his hands around Jesse’s wrists to try to pry his hands away from his hair. His grip was so tight his knuckles were turning white; surely that wasn’t comfortable.

“I forgive you for whatever you're apologizing for, ok? Now let go, you’re hurting yourself…”

“ _ Good _ ,” Jesse only seemed to grip at his hair tighter, “I deserve it,”

Jesse only seemed to be getting worse. He was going from crying to hyperventilating and it had been a long time since Jack had to comfort anyone through a panic attack. Not that he ever really knew how to do it well, but he certainly wasn’t prepared for it now. He didn’t  _ know _ Jesse, he didn’t know what to say to him to calm him down or even what made him calm. He didn’t know what triggered this either or that Jesse even had panic attacks in the first place.

“I can’t breathe…” Jesse forced out, panicked, “I can’t breathe,”

“I know, I know,” Jack rushed, “I need you to focus ok? Breathe in and breathe out. In and out, can you do that?”

“I can’t…”

“You can, you can do this. Try it with me, alright? In...and out.”

Jack repeated the process with Jesse a few times until it appeared he’d calmed down. Jesse was completely still for a few minutes as he focused on breathing slowly. Jack didn’t dare move until Jesse did. He slowly lifted his head and looked at the bodies laid out behind Jack. He counted to himself.

“Five.” He finally said.

“What?”

“I killed five men today.” Jesse mumbled, “No women, no children. No innocent people. Five criminals.”

Jack nodded slowly, not quite getting it, but it seemed to help ground Jesse.

“We should go back to the hotel.” Jack said after a moment. “We have a lot to talk about before I call for extraction.”

Jesse nodded slowly and allowed Jack to help him stand up. The way back to the hotel they’d been staying at was completely silent. Neither knew how to approach what happened tonight, not that Jesse really wanted to. He knew Jack would have questions and he’d have to give him answers but that didn’t mean he was eager to do so.

Jack was nice enough and waited until Jesse had showered and eaten something small before he began questioning him.

“I want you to know I’m not...mad…”Jack started carefully.

“You aint mad I pulled a gun on you. Mhm.”

“You weren’t yourself. That much was obvious.”

Jesse said nothing, so Jack continued.

“I called for backup and it took you a long time to help. What happened?”

“...One of the guys running that place used to be in Deadlock. He snuck up on me after I took out the two guards in front and uh… He put me in a bad place.” Jesse answered honestly. “I didn’t know how to react to seein him.”

“Deadlock? Did he offer you to join his group?”

Jesse scoffed.

“Jack, I don’t know if you know this...but just cuz I killed a lotta people for Deadlock doesn’t mean they treated me well or liked me well enough to want me to do that. He didn’t want me to join his fucking group, he wanted to kill me. Put me in my place again.”

Jack was quiet for a moment. Jesse felt the seconds tick by and he briefly wondered if he’d said too much or sounded too rude when he said it. Had he offended Jack or angered him? He wouldn’t blame him if he was mad. He’d messed up a lot tonight.

“I’m sorry.” Jack finally said. “I misjudged you entirely.”

“What?”

“I haven’t had the highest opinion of you since you joined Blackwatch. I always thought you joined to save yourself and that Gabriel was wrong to give you a second chance. I didn’t think you’d changed much at all. I...I was wrong to think that way.I see that now. So I’m sorry.”

“I don’t really think I changed that much…” Jesse mumbled, “I’m still a killer, I just kill for different people. Nothin’s different. Not really.”

“You’re wrong. You could have joined back up with your old gangmate and you could have killed me tonight. But you didn’t. You did your job, yeah, but you know you’re saving lives now in the long run.”

“I...don’t know what to say.” Jesse admitted. “...I don’t...like to think about my past. I try to bury it a lot cuz I think it’ll go away if I don’t think about it… But uh...I’d never go back to Deadlock or any of em. I know that much. I don’t have to think about it to know that. And I wouldn’t kill you… The world kinda needs your perfect face to give ‘em hope and all that.”

Jack let out a small, genuine laugh.

“My perfect face huh?”

“I dunno I told you I didn’t know what to say.” Jesse bit his lip nervously before continuing, “Hey, uh, you think Gabriel thinks I’m a fuck up?”

“What? No. Whenever he talks about you he’s so obviously proud of you.”

“Huh…”

“What made you think that?”

“Nothin...just Andre said… You know, Deadlock guy...he said some things. It made me feel like I wasn’t here anymore. Like he still had that power over me and always would.” Jesse frowned, “Just the things he said got me thinkin...Gabe would probably be better off if I hadn’t joined Blackwatch.”

“You’d be in jail if you weren’t with Blackwatch.”

“But it’d save him a lot of trouble. I remember when I first joined you were pissed. And don’t say you weren’t, I know you don’t like me much. But he had to justify why he thought a fuckin screw up kid like me was worth a second chance. Still does sometimes. He put a lot of work into making me someone worth giving a damn about.”

“He tries to see the good in people, if he can.” Jack said softly, “I know he really thought you just weren’t given the right opportunities to be better than what you were shown. He was right, I owe him an apology for the hassle I put him through.”

“You don’t gotta act nice to me outta pity.”

Jack gave him a confused look.

“Look, I know I fucked up a lot tonight and whatever the fuck happened, happened, but you don’t have to act different. You don’t like me and I really don’t know why me almost shooting you would change anything.”

“You were in an extremely vulnerable mindset tonight. Even if I didn’t like you, I wasn’t going to treat you badly and I’m still not going to. I’m just trying to understand you better.”

“...Ok. Sorry.”

“No it’s...fine. I just want you to know I’m asking you questions because I’m worried.”

“I’ll deal with it just fine. It won’t happen again so there’s nothin to be worried about.”

Jack raised an eyebrow.

“Do you talk to anyone about your past?”

“No, not really.”

“So you just bury it.”

“Uh, yeah.”

“That’s not healthy.”

“Dunno if you noticed but I kinda don’t have normal people problems. What, I’m supposed to go up to someone and talk about how I was in a gang and killed people when I was a fucking kid, and if I didn’t I’d get beat and that was on a good day!” Jesse felt himself getting more and more on edge, “I can’t tell them about how I feel or what I think about half the fucking time!”

“What do you think about?” Jack asked, expression completely neutral.

“Lots of shit, Jack! Lots of fucked up shit! The shit that happened to me, the shit I did, but I don’t burden people with this shit and it eats me alive, I can’t fucking sleep sometimes, I’d drink until I couldn’t feel anything but then people would notice and-- and…” Jesse took a heavy sigh and shook his head. “I can’t handle being a fuck up anymore. I just  _ can’t _ .”

“First off, you’re not a fuck up, I can assure you that.” Jack said, startling Jesse, “I didn’t want you on this mission. I asked Gabriel first but he already had a mission he needed to go on and he practically  _ gushed _ about you when he offered for you to come instead. If he thought you were a fuck up, he wouldn’t talk about you like you were someone so special to him.”

Jesse kept his mouth shut, but Jack didn’t miss the light blush coating his cheeks at the mention of Gabriel’s praise for him. He decided to ignore it and go on,

“Second, you wouldn’t be burdening anyone by talking about your feelings or your past. We all have things that bother us and keep us up at night. Gabe and I fought in a war, you think we don’t think about that every now and then? Hell, in the first few weeks after the war ended, I don’t think I slept more than a few hours total. I couldn’t stop thinking about the people we lost and the things I’d seen but I talked to people about it. I talked to Gabe and Ana and it  _ helped _ .”

“They fought that war with you. They understand it.”

“We all experienced it differently. Some missions were easier for me but hard for them. Some things I had to do without them. Sometimes they’d go off on a mission and I didn’t know if they were coming back. But we can still talk to each other about it when we need to because we trust each other. You trust people right?”

“...Yeah, I mean...I have to if I want them to have my back on missions.”

“Find a few people you can really be friends with and I’m sure they’d listen to you when you’re thinking about darker things. I’m sure Gabe would, if you asked.” Jack sighed, “And that brings me to my last thing I wanted to say. You need to confront these things sooner or later and finding a good way to cope is important. Drinking isn’t one of those ways.”

“I don’t drink myself stupid. Well, not a lot. Only when I know I don’t gotta do anything the next day.” Jesse admitted. “...I do other things mostly. I smoke and have a shit ton of sex as distractions.”

“Distractions aren’t dealing with it.”

Jesse shrugged.

“It works for the most part.”

“What about the times where it doesn’t work?” Jack had meant for it to be a rhetoric question but Jesse got a guilty look on his face and answered anyways.

“Ever heard of Russian roulette?”

Jack was stunned into silence. The following moments that ticked by weren’t exactly tense, but they weren’t comfortable either. Neither seemed to know what to say after that. Jesse figured he could apologize again, but it wouldn’t take back what he said. He opted to let Jack make the next move, even if it took him a while to figure out what to say.

“I don’t have to explain why that’s not a good idea.” Jack finally said. “Look...the mission was a success even if there was a bit of a rough patch. I won’t tell Gabe everything, but he has to know the basics.”

“...Alright…”

“I’m not ordering you, but I want you to try to get some help when we get back to base.”

“Ok.” Jesse muttered.

“I mean it. Find someone to talk to, or get Angela to refer you to someone… You deserve to live without your demons following you everywhere you go.”

“...Thanks, that...that actually means a lot.”

Neither said much after that. They both agreed it had been a long evening and decided to get some rest before Jack called for extraction. The way back was relatively silent, save for Jesse making a few remarks here and there that were friendly enough. Jack found he wasn’t nearly as annoyed with Jesse as he had been before. Sure, the experience wouldn’t magically make them best friends, but Jack felt like he’d learned to appreciate and respect McCree just a bit more.


End file.
